There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Boobs are out for the taking
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize