So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize