i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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