I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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