guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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