I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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