he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
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