I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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