He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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