Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize