I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's always time for handjobs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize