Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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