Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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