do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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