dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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