Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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