i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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