They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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