how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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