If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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