I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize