It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
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counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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