In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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