Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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