Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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