Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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