just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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