When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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