Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize