Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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