so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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