i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize