im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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