my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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