We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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