I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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