the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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