why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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