Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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