I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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