Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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