I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I pour the whiskey from now on
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize