Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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