he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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