Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize