Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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