So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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