I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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