just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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