Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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